~ Round 2.... Negative ~

Unfortunately, we received bad news last night - our pregnancy test was negative for this cycle. It was surprisingly easier to hear this time - I think I was much more prepared. Although, it still is a huge disappointment.

What next? Well, Mark really wants me to take a break for a month or two to give my body (and mind) a little rest. After arguing with him and sulking for a couple hours, I have come to terms with the rest period and agree it will probably be a good thing. My wonderful husband asks very little of me - I have to respect his position on this one. (Watch he will be right!) I have been pumping my body up with one hormone or another since last Summer. It will be good to take a break and try to get my body back into shape a bit. We have a busy couple months with our best friends getting married in June and our trip to Hawaii in early July. Plenty of things to keep me busy.

I will keep you all updated on when we will start round 3 - Third time WILL be the charm! Back on track for twins...

~ Bedrest is OVER!!! ~

Today, bedrest is officially over! I made it through this time downstairs on the couch. It was much better than being upstairs away from the hubbub of activity. My family came over in shifts - Dad, Sis, my niece Karli, and Mom all took their turn taking care of me while Mark was at work. The days went by pretty quickly this time. Needless to say, I am happy to be showered and up and around.

Back to waiting now- we have an appointment on Monday at 11am for the pregnancy test. I should know by the end of the day Monday if it worked or not. Surprisingly, I am not nearly as stressed about it as I was last time... I know that whatever is supposed to happen, will.

The roller coaster ride is approaching the top again... Holding on for the loop-the-loop.

~ Egg to Embryo ~

Ok- so I was really bummed not getting more than one egg on retrieval day. But, after a little pity party, I am positive once again. The single egg they were able to get actually fertilized. Thankfully, we can always count on Mark's baby batter. It hasn't let us down yet!

The doctor and embryologist are watching the progress of the egg-embryo very closely. I received a call this morning letting me know the egg has split into two. So it is on it's way to embryo status. We will be transfering it back in Monday morning at 10am. Mark will be home late Sunday night, so this works out perfect.

And we are slowly chugging uphill once again.....

~ Retrieval - not so many! ~

I am home from our retrieval this morning. My mom just left and I am supposed to be napping...

After making those 4 beautifully large follicles, my doctor was only able to find one lonely egg. I was so surprised and disappointed. That was the last thing I was expecting. I was prepared for only having one egg make it to the day of the transfer, but to start with one was a huge blow. So, now I wait to get a call in the morning from the embryologist to find out if our egg has fertilized. As long as it does, we are looking to transfer it back on Monday morning. My bedrest will start then and last through Thursday.

We arrived at the top of the hill in the rollercoaster- and it went straight down... The only way to go from here is up!

~ We Have a Plan ~

After my ultrasound yesterday, the doctor gave us the thumbs up to trigger ovulation tonight at 9:45pm. That means exactly 34 hours later at 7:45am on Thursday morning, we will be doing the egg retrieval. We almost made it before Mark was leaving, but not quite. Mark is going to give his baby batter Wednesday afternoon and they will keep it in the incubator until Thursday morning retrieval. They have assured us that this is ok - after all, we only need 4 of those millions of sperm to fertilize the 4 egg follicles they will retrieve.

This time around we are doing things a bit differently... instead of transfering the embryos back into me on the 3rd day after retrieval, they are going to wait until day 5. This gives them a chance to basically weed out the embryos that wouldn't have made it between days 3-5. What we will be left with on day 5 will be (hopefully) at least 2 big strong embryos ready to implant themselves into my uterine wall. So - we will not be doing the transfer until a week from today- next Tuesday. I am very hopeful and excited that this 2nd time around is going to work.

I took my last injections of the major hormones last night - today it is just 2 injections. First injection is to prevent me from ovulating today (as that would defeat the purpose if these egg follicles dropped in ovulation and we would lose all we have done thus far) and the second injection will be the HCG tonight to bring on ovulation. It is incredible - the exact timing is critical.

As usual, our family and friends are amazing support. I realize having a conversation with me right now is totally one sided - and I apologize. I am drowning in this whole process - I can't wait to resurface!

~ IVF Round 2 - Cycle Day 12 ~ Still Waiting... ~

Today is IVF cycle day 12. We are scheduled to go to the doctor at 3pm today for another ultrasound to check the size of our follicles. Last check on Saturday, we had a 16mm and 15mm in the left ovary and a 10 & 11mm in the right ovary. Hopefully this afternoon they will be big enough for the doctor to say GO so we can retrieve those suckers on Wednesday morning.

I just spoke with my mom on the phone and she had a dream it was going to be on Wednesday- so I am going with that. That way, Mark is still in town to give his baby batter. Hopefully my extremely intuitive mother is right! Will post later today after our appointment with an update.

For now- it is best that Mark is at work... yesterday he told me that I was a real treat to be around these days. His loving support and patience has it's limits. Hoping today will be the last of the injections to put us both out of our misery!

~ IVF Round 2 - Cycle Day 7 ~ Ultrasound ~

Today was the big day for our first ultrasound this cycle. We were hoping for many egg follicles, but there were only four to be found. Two in each ovary. The biggest is measuring 8-1/2mm, the next is 7-1/2mm and the other 2 are 5mm & 6mm. That is a 100% improvement over our last IVF cycle on this day we only had two. The doctor is very hopeful that these four follicles will mature as planned and hopefully we can get 2-3 to fertilize and transfer back in.

So - we go for our next ultrasound Saturday to check the size of the follicles. Which will probably lead to another check on Monday - which puts us at Wednesday for the retrieval day. As I mentioned before, this is cutting it seriously close to Mark's big fishing trip to Mexico leaving Thursday morning. The doctor let us know if worse comes to worst and we have to put the retrieval off until Thursday, Mark would have to leave a sample with me before he gets on the plane. He will just love that - doing his thing in a restroom at LAX! ;) Needless to say, we are hoping it will be by Wednesday.

Although the technical side of this is easier this time around, the emotional side is just as difficult.

The rollercoaster is slowly chugging uphill right now. I don't know if it will go left, right or straight down when we get to the top. All I know is my knuckles are turning white from holding on so tight...

~ IVF Round 2 - Cycle Day 5 ~

As was expected - my emotions are out of control right now. Made much worse when our puppy, Kona, woke me up crying in the middle of the night. He appears to have something wrong with his hips. He cannot stand up on his own. I am waiting for the vet to open at 9am to get him in today, but I can hardly look at him without bawling... He spent the day yesterday playing and swimming with the other dogs in our family, and was limping terribly when we got home last night.

On the brighter side, this cycle is going by much faster than the last. (Thankfully!) Today, we are only 2 days away from our first ultrasound to determine the number and size of the egg follicles that are hopefully growing like mad in my ovaries. I am also much more relaxed with the whole thing - very little Googling for information at this point. I'm sure it's because I already know the drill - wait, shots, wait, shots, etc...

Staying positive and keeping my eye on the prize. Babies are everywhere I look! Optimistic is my middle name- Holly Optimistic Gonzales. But my friends just call me HOG... ;)

~ IVF Round 2 - Cycle Day 1 ~

Here we go again- just that quickly, we are starting our next cycle. I just returned from the doctors office. (I feel like a professional patient!) Since I started my period this morning and my ultrasound checked out a-ok, we are officially starting cycle 2.

What happens now? you ask... well, starting on Saturday (day 3) I start the stimulating meds again. Since he has upped the dosage and added Clomid to the mix - which is an added stimulator medication, we are hoping this cycle will produce many egg follicles. I have my first ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday at 11am to check the number and size of the follicles. It looks like if all goes smoothly, we will be doing the egg retrieval anywhere from Saturday the 3rd through Tuesday the 6th.

Hoping all goes as planned, since Mark has a fishing trip to Mexico leaving Thurs May 8. His contribution has to be made on the day of the retrieval - so we are cutting it a little close.

My thought for the day: This clinical version of baby-making leaves no room for modesty or inhibitions. At this point I don't even care if the doctor leaves the room while I undress from the waist down....

~ IVF Round 2 ~

I am on top of the world again! Today's doctor appointment was a definite upswing on this rollercoaster ride of ours. We are going to start our next IVF round as soon as I start my period this month. Which should be within the week. The great thing about this round is that the cycle is actually cut down to about 2 weeks. The doc changed my meds and eliminated some so we go right to the stimulating injections as soon as I start my period.

Which means- we will be doing the retrieval and transfer sometime around the 15th of May. So- we will be able to know by the 25th or so of May if it worked or not. Whooo hoooo!!! That is so much faster than last time- much better than waiting 7 weeks. The doctor is putting my dosage about as high as it can go... in hopes that boosting the meds will make me produce more egg follicles. He is hoping for at least 5-6 this time.

Again- prayers and high hopes are appreciated. 2nd times the charm? Oh I hope so!

~ It's never good news when the doctor calls... ~

I just got the call - we are NOT pregnant. Wow- what a bummer! I am not sure yet how I feel... a little bit angry for sure, and a little bit sad. The past 8 months have been tough on Mark & I - and it looks like we will have to hang in there a while longer. I need to believe that all of these pounds I have gained from all of those hormones isn't for nothing! ;)

We have an appointment with the doctor on Monday afternoon to go over what happened this time around and to make a plan for the next time. Hopefully we will be able to start next week. The whole IVF process takes about 6-7 weeks, so I'd like to start as quickly as possible.

Mark & I - always trying to see the positive are already keeping our hopes up for twins the next time around.

I am sure all of this is for a reason....

~ I couldn't wait... ~

I really tried to wait to take the at-home pregnancy test.... but at 1:30am this morning, with literally my first pee of the day, I couldn't stand it any longer. I waited the full 3 minutes before looking - and it said exactly what I didn't want to see. NOT PREGNANT.

Now- this should be a good lesson in patience for me. I know it is WAY too early to get a positive from an at home test- and yet I still did it. I am going to try to restrain from taking another until I actually go to the doctor for a blood test tomorrow. Yes, I did say tomorrow (Friday).... when I called the office to make my appointment for Monday, I asked if I could come on Friday instead (Miss Impatient) and the nurse actually said YES!!!! So- I have an appointment for a blood test tomorrow at 11:00am. I should have the results by the end of the business day. If it is positive, they will want me in the office again on Monday to check to make sure my hormone levels are increasing like they should.

The best thing I have to report is that since I was able to come downstairs yesterday morning (after a very long shower), I have been experiencing light-headedness. I just Googled (uh-oh... here I go Googling again) the early signs of pregnancy and light-headedness is one of the early signs of pregnancy. A bit of a reach- perhaps, but I am holding on to it to get me through until tomorrows results.

So, again- passing the time trying to distract myself.... the waiting IS the hardest part!